“If what they say is “Nothing is forever”
Then what makes, Then what makes, Then what makes
Then what makes, Then what makes love the exception?”
Hey Ya – Andre 3000
New York, NY – Just recently I had the pleasure of spending a portion of my afternoon with a good friend talking over a glass of tea. Now I am no tea aficionado but I have to say it was completely engaging. Our conversation continued to flow with each pour and although I am sure the therapeutic effects of tea take a while to take hold I felt thoroughly relaxed. Beyond the convo and tea itself I was struck by the Tea Sand Timer. If you’re not familiar (as I wasn’t) it’s a simple block of hourglass-esque sand timers set to different lengths – 3min, 5min, 7min, etc. It allows you to time exactly how long you want your tea to soak as all teas are different and have an “optimal time”. This block of timers was simple in its form and function and I loved it. Only later did I start reflecting on the value of time and its place in relationships. It seems like there is a heightened sensitivity to matters of the heart lately. Everything I read, watch or listen to involves relationships or love. Either we have too much of it or not enough. Either way the noise is deafening. Which made me ask…what is the hoopla about? Why the constant analysis and evaluation of all things love related? That din is at its loudest when our relationships are nearing or at an end. Breakups are rarely mutual. Usually one person wants out and the other person wants to make it work. Breakups also do not have to be consensual. I do not need your permission to end our relationship. If one person doesn’t want to do it anymore then guess what…the relationship is over. It might take one conversation (first breakups rarely stick) or it might take twenty but one way or another if someone wants out bad enough it’s going to happen. This brings me to the Tea Sand Timer and artist Andre 3000. Most of the angst that results in the death of a relationship is largely the result of the idea that love “lasts forever”. People will even emphasize and make the distinction between mere love and true love. Because you know “true love” lasts forever…that thing you just waded through for X amount of time…that was just regular old love. Why? Because it didn’t last. This of course is bullshit. Nothing lasts forever…and love is no exception. Please do not wring your hands and shake your first to the heavens. This is not a bad thing. Remember the Tea Sand Timer. The time that it measures is the same for relationships. Some last 1 year, others 10 years. A great relationship can be only a few months or it can last a lifetime. Every so often someone’s Tea Sand Timer has an infinity sign next to it but let’s face it that is rare. On the flipside that rarity makes it all the more precious. Instead of lamenting the end of a relationship why not rejoice in the time that was spent together? It doesn’t need to be forever to have been meaningful, and beautiful and memorable. You heart can be touched forever in just a moment. It’s finding the magic in those moments however long they last that makes the difference. So turn over those timers in your life and enjoy each grain of sand. There is no telling when they will run out and that is why they are so valuable.
