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No! I Don’t Want To Be Your FriendArticle by: Veronica Baesso

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Ever increasing connectivity is the name of the game in today’s communication age. We are more tethered to technology; particularly social media than one could have imagined even a mere five years ago. Smart phones, Ipads, ever smaller & more powerful laptops have made our ability to stay plugged in and thereby connected to everything and everyone just an afterthought. This type of hyperconnectivity has changed many things in our lives but it has had a most telling effect on our relationships. The relative ease to which we can stay connected w/ our former relationships has played a major role in our ability to move on and in some cases form new relationships. We now have big, open windows into our respective romantic past. We need to slam those windows shut. In short, I don’t want to be your friend on Facebook.

The reality that many of us are unwilling to face is that some relationships have an expiration date.  I have said it before and I’ll say it again. Not everything was meant to last forever. Doesn’t mean the rare relationship can’t last forever but for the most part they have a clearly defined beginning and middle and we have managed to make the ending increasingly murky. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr even Linkedin that provide snapshots of connectivity make it more difficult to move on from past loves. Not only did we catalog each moment with them in our individual timelines, but also we now have almost unfettered access to their new lives sans us. Not a good place to be. Gone are the days when it’s “over” meant truly over. Of course in the analog days there were phone calls, hang ups, messages that were left on answering machines but those were far more active ways of trying to rebuild what was once easy to avoid. Now our connections are deeper but they are also silent. If you check out an ex’s FB profile they have no way of knowing that happened. That macabre curiosity means they are top of mind, which means you can’t go through a normal grieving, lamenting and eventual moving on from the old relationship. It’s like a cut that begins to scab over and every time you “check in” with them you rip the scab right off. There we are again…fresh wound! Best thing to do. Cold turkey. If you’re severing the physical/relationship ties then sever the digital ties as well. As much as Mark Zuckerberg will tell you differently, we’re not meant to be friends with everyone and exes are included in that. It’s okay to not be friends. Moving away from old digital connections can provide the strength to build new connections in the real world. So go ahead and “de-friend”, “unfollow”, “unsubscribe”, etc, etc…you’ll be better for it.


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